Via con dios, amigo!
From time to time I see conversations crop up about the social game and the legitimacy of the relationships we all form. I suppose that one could take the post-modern view that, as with all else, gameplay in WOW is a subjective experience, and relationships are all predicated on the perspectives of the participants. I always can only speak from behind the lens through which I view my own experiences in game, and can attest that, for myself, the rivers of feelings for the friends that I have made along the way run deep. Nothing made this clearer to me than when one of my dearest friends in the game was lost.
I met Deshad when we were both just baby druids in Darkshore. We muddled through quests together and seemed to have spent an eternity together in Ashenvale, testing out our abilities, watching one another’s back, finding our way, each in our own way, into one another’s heart. For a while we were in the same guild, but ended up having different things we were looking for, and found our separate ways into guilds that felt like home for us.
As we leveled, we played together less and less, although there was always an occassional opportunity to team up together for dailies or a heroic. But even though our playstyles did not continue to bind us together after the early days of our friendship, our conversations did. We talked in game in whispers nearly every day. Mike (Deshad’s real name) was older than me, my father’s age, in fact. He was a wonderful wit and a wise soul, a man that I developed an enormous respect for. And he was just so fun to talk to. He was from Colorado, like me, and we had similar world views in many ways. I would never fail to smile happily when I would log on and be greeted by his “hello, Darlin’!” I knew about his parents, his children, his grandchildren, his brothers, his career, his chores. He knew about my hopes, my disappointments, my pleasures and pain. We lived in one another’s lives.
I remember receiving a whisper or two from him as we both dug into WOLK. He was as excited as I was about all of the new features, quests, zones, and so forth. And then I didn’t hear anything from him for the longest time. He had taken a break of a week or two in the past from the game, so I assumed that that was the case this time around. Time went on, though, and I became more and more lonely for him, and didn’t hear a word from him.
On New Years Eve this year, after the ball dropped down and my family made their tired way to their beds, I found myself wide awake and logged on to play for a little bit. I found a pug group for Heroic VH and zoned in to put away the bosses there for some easy badges. I saw that one of my party members was in Deshad’s guild and, on a whim, whispered him that I knew someone from his guild. His response was ominous. “We’ll talk after the instance,” he said. A feeling of unease grew over me until my heart was literally pounding as we brought down the last boss.
“Syll,” he said to me, “I knew about you but I didn’t know what your name was and so I wasn’t able to contact you in game. I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but Mike passed away just after Thanksgiving.” Then, just as I type this now, tears spilled uncontrolably down my face. I would never be able to talk to my friend again. And somehow it was worse that I didn’t really “know him.” I saw no obit in the newspaper, received no funeral notice, had no chance to donate to a charity close to his heart, had no one to share my grief, and no moment to say goodbye. And grieved then and still grieve today, for his family, his grandson and son who both used to play WOW with him, his guildmates who loved him, the causes about which he was so passionate that would no longer have his voice to support them. And I grieved for myself, for my loss, for my life without my friend in it. This knowledge came to me literally minutes into the new year, and it has been with me every day since.
A few months later I got a whisper in game from one of his alts, and almost jumped out of my skin. But it was Mike’s son, playing his dad’s toon for a short time, although it was painful for him to do. I was so glad to have the chance to tell his son how much his dad had meant to me, and how deeply affected I had been by his passing. I asked him if he could email me some information on a charity that his dad supported, as I wanted to make a donation in his name. He said that he would send it along to me, but I never heard from him again.
Hearing of Mike’s death rocked me. From that moment to this one I have wanted to do something, anything at all, that might be a proper tribute to my friend and what he meant to me. As hard as it is to write this now, as much as it has brought all of my raw sadness foward, this post (and the pic I made above of one of his toons, Shadel, in the gear that he currently has equipped in the Armory), is my tribute to my friend, and I feel better for it.
Mike, wherever you are, I miss you, my friend. I miss you every day. I try to enjoy everything I do a little extra… the extra part is for you. Thank you for the laughter and the support and the love that you brought into my life. I am better for knowing you, lucky for befriending you, and ever sadder for losing you. Via con dios, amigo. Sylly loves you.
There are 9 Comments to "Via con dios, amigo!"
D:
/hugs
You know what really strikes me about this post is that it’s a reminder that WoW is more than “just a game” – we meet people who become important to us, we share in their joys, and mourn their passing, just as we would any of our “real life” friends. Just because we only know someone from WoW, it doesn’t lessen the grief we feel when they go.
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@Faulsey absolutely correct. I think that the form of communication in an MMO is in many ways more intimate than many real life exchanges, at least in my case. I’m much closer to some of my ingame friends than I am to many of my colleagues at work, for example, people who I see and eat meals with and talk to every day
Aw jeez Sylly, you done gone and made me a little weepy!
It’s the odd thing about this game, you can really get to know people, to know the depth of their soul, all the really important things, but everything relies on the game. It makes things difficult as you well know. I don’t think I’d give up our friendship for anything though, knowing that. Sorry, I’m trying to wind up on a consoling, empathetic note, but I was never really good at this stuff.
I love ya Sylly, I’m always gonna be here.
I love you too, Hummy! You’re the best and I treasure you =)
Aww I almost started crying.
When I was still on Cenarion Circle (back when I first started grad school), there was a druid in my guild who was a 16 year old kid. One day, I gave him a piece of loot out of a raid instance. The next day, his brother (who also played on our server) logged into the game and told everyone that our guildmate had died in a car accident. Both my guild and the brother’s guild spent a lot of time talking and grieving over the loss of our “friend.” For a while after, I used the posts on our forums about it as reasoning for why friendships made in WoW were just as “real” as other friendships outside of the game.
I’m sorry for your loss.
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Thanks so much, Lis! I’m sorry for the loss of your friend, too. /hug!
Thanks for sharing your story. I’m sorry for your loss.
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[...] as well as to be a close confidante for some friends and be a meaningful part of their lives. I posted before about how meaningful relationships in this MMORPG have been for me, and I cherish the friendships I [...]
I lost one of my good friends and officers on WOW too, he died in a car crash. I’d known him for over a year and cried a lot when I heard, but my friends and family didn’t understand, and like you I had no funeral to go to, no address to send flowers. In the end we held a guild memorial for him outside Stormwind and his brother led it. It was beautiful and made us feel a lot better that we’d done something.
Relationships in the World of Warcraft are definitely as meaningful as real life relationships. I’m very sorry you had to lose your friend too.